Analogy of the Cave -- Socrates

When we understand something that is not possible to explain with usual terms/vocabulary, we have to search for innovative methods to explain insights. I really found difficulties in finding appropriate terminology to explain some concepts in some of my previous blogs. Therefore, I relied on Interactive Mind Debugging (i.e. a dialogue between a fictitious character and me where the real dialogue happens within upper layers of mind). The dialogue becomes more complicated if we debug into deeper layers of mind. The key idea is to streamline the reader's thought processes by engaging in a process of dialogue with the fictitious character, which could possibly enable them to understand the insights of the theory that I planned to explain. Isn't it complicated? Yes, I think there are better narrative styles to describe such concepts. This blog entry is to discuss one of them that belongs to 400 BC.

Recently, my curiosity drove me to read about "Analogy of the Cave" narrated by Socrates (Plato's mentor) when I was reading some insights of Plato's theories. I literally got goosebumps while reading about this analogy. Because the thought processes behind the explanations of my previous blogs (especially, Theory of mind: Reality vs illusion and Deep insights) are similar to the thought processes behind the discovery of this analogy. Its amazing to know that a philosopher who lived around 400 B.C. found a greatest analogy/metaphor to explain few things that are very difficult to explain with usual vocabulary (or a language).

In Plato's "The Republic", he has written that the Analogy of the Cave was narrated by Socrates in a dialogue between Socrates and Plato's brother Glaucon. Plato also utilized this theory while he is explaining about "theory of forms (ideas)". The better way to discuss this analogy is the following video:

According to Plato, Socrates many times used this metaphor/analogy to describe his philosophy with students. When the students questioned him about the unrealistic nature of the story, Socrates used to reply "Well, we are not different from the prisoners of the cave!". This answer gave me goosebumps once again.

So, what is real? what is an illusion? how do you make a distinction between reality and illusion? questions... so many questions...

Lets go one step further, imagine the prisoner fall into a sleep and getting a dream. What would appear in their dreams? Can they dream about shadows or real objects? When real objects are not in their memory representations, and when their imagination is not within the reach of the real objects, how can they dream about real objects? I think they can only dream about shadows, which are real according to them, but not real according to us.

Perhaps, the following is a valid storyline: The prisoners' beliefs are formulated on top their sensory perceptions (auditory and vision etc). As far as they concerned, its their world. They discuss, they formulate beliefs upon agreements of mutual understanding. They start making their own standards and concepts. Therefore, they try to predict. If something goes out of expectations, their curiosity goes up. They try to make a new theory to include those expectations.. its an ever going process...

I think I will remember this analogy forever. It seems that the reality and illusions are indistinct until we mutually agree each other upon the perceptions of the world. That might be the reason for the argumentation all of us are connected together, although everyone's world is formulated in one's own mind.

Remembering Socrates: 

 

“A system of morality which is based on relative emotional values is a mere illusion, a thoroughly vulgar conception which has nothing sound in it and nothing true.” ―Socrates

“The secret of change is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” ―Socrates

“As for me, all I know is that I know nothing.” ―Socrates

Theory of Mind: Fear, Courage and Conflicts

One of my friends recently commented about me that I have been becoming a philosopher. I did not know whether it was a praise or critique. Waited for a second, and I replied -- "I think I am an AI researcher by choice, but maybe becoming a philosopher by chance."

Human mind works on a hierarchical belief structures. Occasionally, people review their belief structures in case of extreme situations. Maybe this kind of influence made me to review fundamentals of thought processes once again in an objective manner. If this exercise is helpful for the AI researcher in me in any form to contribute real machine intelligence (Scary no?) at some point of time, that would certainly make me happy. If someone name this process as 'becoming a philosopher', hmm, I do not have any objections with it. 

Today I am going review about FEAR, one of the basic emotions. In my view, this is the primary emotion which was contributed the most for the human existence today. Because, FEAR is the basic property of survival concept in any life form. Fear is one of the fundamentals of any decision process that any person makes. Some examples of fear are the following: Fear of loosing loved ones, fear of loosing a battle, fear of loosing life, fear of becoming sick, fear of loosing employment, fear of loosing one's own character, fear of loosing dignity, fear of breakup, fear of trapped in a bad relationship, fear of loosing existing comfort, etc.

       

If we want to understand insights of the phenomena of Fear, we should think about what would enable fear. According to Buddhist theory, all negative emotions are derived from Craving and Aversion. We could expand it further as "Craving for pleasure and Aversion towards pain" (In this case, Pain and Pleasure are considered as mental attributes, not as bodily attributes; however, bodily attributes indirectly influence mental attributes too). In other simple words, Fear comes into the picture when we trapped in the feeling of failing in 'attaining pleasure' and/or 'Avoiding pain'". 

Some people argue that they are fearless. My question to them is "Does Fearlessness exist at all?". In my view, "Absolutely Not!". Craving and Aversion are fundamental properties of human mind. As long as these two exists in a mind, the fear also exists. Fearlessness is not real, it is a hallucination. However, there are few other related concepts which I would like to explain with the following real world example:

Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LU8DDYz68kM

How many types of fear visible in the given video? Let me try to list out:

1. Fear in Lions about entering into water because of Crocodile's presence. 

2. Fear in Lions about loosing their food to Crocodile.

3. Fear in Crocodile to come out of water, because its power is limited to water.

4. Fear in Crocodile about loosing its food to Lion. 

5. Fear in Buffalo about loosing their loved one (i.e. Buffalo's baby)

6. Fear in Buffalo about loosing their own life because they knew lions are powerful.
7. Fear in Lion about an attack from a large team of Buffalo

If you study the sequence of actions,  each action is provoked by one of the fear explained in the list. This would be an example to make my claim that fear plays a predominant role in every action and a decision.  

I see an other interesting pattern in two types of 'Fear of Buffalo' (No. 5 and No. 6) and the action sequence. No. 5 and No. 6 are mutually conflicting fears. Because, if the Buffalo goes for a fight with lion there is a high probability of loosing their own life (i.e. No. 6). Otherwise, they are going to loose their loved one (i.e. No. 5). This I call it as "CONFLICTING FEARS". We face this issue many times in our own lives too, and as usual, every conflict forces an option to choose. In this particular case, Buffalo made their choice to go for fight with Lion to save their baby. Here Buffalo prepared to face consequences of the fear about loosing their own life. This we can call it as "COURAGE".           

  

 COURAGE is not equivalent to fearlessness. It can be defined as preparation of one's own mind to face consequences of the fear while the action. 

Once the Buffalo prepare to face consequences, they planned to go as team to reduce the probability of loosing their own lives. They made proper planning to encounter fear No. 6. Therefore, that particular sequence of actions are interesting to see. 

One of the greatest lesson I learned in my life (when I faced conflicting fears) is that -- preparing our own minds to face consequences (i.e.COURAGE) alone is not sufficient to encounter conflicting fears. We should require to take necessary steps (i.e. planning in action) to reduce the probability of facing such fears. However, our own emotional conflicts (e.g. love versus faith) occasionally misguide us in the process of such planning. This is nothing but just a reality of life. 

Take home messages:

1. Fearlessness doesn't exist. 

2. Fear plays a predominant role in each action or decision. 

3. Courage can be defined as preparing one's own mind to face consequences of fear.

4. Courage alone is not sufficient to encounter fears in life. 

5. Courage and Planning in action both are essential to encounter 'Conflicting fears'. 

ఒక చందమామ కథ !

"అమావాస్య చందమామకి వెన్నెల పంచేదెల?
మసకబారిన చంద్రుని కి జ్ఞాపకాల వెలుగులు జోడించేదెలా?"
 ఒక మాష్టారి గారికి ఇలాంటి చాలా పెద్ద  సందేహం వచ్చింది.  వచ్చిందే తడవుగా, తన పిల్లలకి "pressure project" తయారు చేసి ఇచ్చారు. అంటే ఇరవై నాలుగు గంటల్లో   సమస్యకి పరిష్కారం కనుక్కోవాలి అన్నమాట!!

సమస్య ఇలా ఉంది :
" అది  2130 వ సంవత్సరం. ఒక గ్రహం నుంచి మరో గ్రహానికి అవలీలగా ప్రయాణిస్తున్న రోజులు. 
 ఒక ధనవంతుడు (Billionaire), తనకి ఐదు సంవత్సరాలుగా తెలిసిన తన ప్రేయసికి, propose చెద్దా మని  అనుకొంటాడు. అంతే కాదు చాలా కొత్త గా చేద్దా మని  అనుకొంటాడు. తనకి వచ్చిన ఆలోచన ఏమిటి అంటే, వైజాగ్ బీచ్ లో వాళ్ళు ఇద్ద రూ  నడుస్తున్నప్పుడు, చందమామ మీద వాళ్ళ జ్ఞాపకాలని చూపించాలని, ఆ తర్వాత తన ప్రేమ గురించి చెప్పాలని అనుకొంటాడు.

ఈ surprise event కి, తన స్నేహితుని సహాయం తీసుకొంటాడు. ఈ ఐదు సంవత్సరాలలో వాళ్ళ మద్యన ఉన్న మంచి జ్ఞాపకాలని (వీడియో clippings) 3 నిమిషాల నిడివి ఉన్న వీడియో (HD --1920X1080p resolution) గా తయారు చేసి తన స్నేహితునికి ఇస్తాడు. First moon day రోజు ఆ వీడియోని  చందమామ మీద project చేసి, తన smartphone లో 'హ్యాపీడేస్' లోని  'అరెరె అరెరె' సాంగ్ వినిపిస్తూ    చూపించాలని వాళ్ళ ఆలోచన. ఇప్పుడు ఆ వీడియో చంద్రుని  మీద broadcast అయ్యేలాగా చూడవలసిన భాద్యత తన స్నేహితునిది.

వనరులకి కొదవ లేదు (unlimited resources) అని అనుకొన్నట్ల యి తే,  తన స్నేహితుడు ఈ event ని ఎలా సాదించగలడు?  Technical గా ఉన్న ఇబ్బందులు ఏమిటి? వాటిని ఎలా అదిగమించవచ్చు?  ఏమేరకు  resources అవసరం అవుతాయి? "

24 గంటలలో పిల్లలందరూ కనుక్కొన్న పరిష్కారాలను ఇచ్చారు. మన మాస్టారు గారు హడావిడిగా అన్నీ చదవటం మొదలుపెట్టా రు.  "వచ్చే జన్మకి ఇప్పటి నుంచే planning ఎందుకు మాస్టా రు? మీరు అప్పుడు అంత ధనవంతులుగా పుట్టా లి కదా? " అని రాసాడు ఒక పిల్ల వాడు . వేరే చెప్పాలా.. మన మాస్టా రికి కాలింది. పరిష్కారం అడిగితే వ్యంగ్యంగా  ప్ర శ్నలు సంధిస్తున్నాడేమిటి అనుకొన్నాడేమో, సున్నా మార్కులు వేశాడు.

మరి ఇప్పుడు మీకు ఒక puzzle -- "మన మాస్టారు గారికి బాగా నచ్చిన పరిష్కారం ఏమిటి?"
మీకు తెలిస్తే    24 గంటలలో చెప్పండి? prize: 1 flying saucer (2130 లో ఇవ్వబడును!)

ఇంత కష్ట పడి మాతృభాషలో  రాసాను కదా! మీరు కూడా సీరియస్ గా  ప్రయత్నం చెయ్యండి.
జవాబు వచ్చే సంచిక లో !

Deep insights

[ PS: I broke my head by falling down on metro's escalator over the last week-end... After spending a full-day at hospital, I am now enjoying the pain while sitting at home...  It facilitates me to spend some time to compose this blog.. perhaps you may call it as a "broken head and its full-blown madness".  ;)  ]

It was morning 4:30am... I was suddenly woke-up with a jerk... dug dug.. dug dug.. I could hear my heart beat, and became completely wet with sweat....  After some struggle to understand my situation for a couple of minutes, "What a nightmare!!" murmured to myself and prepared for a better sleep again.

"Wait, wait a minute... if you sleep again now, the dream will mostly be erased from your memory... better to recollect it now...", from a well-known voice. He made his point across to provoke me to recollect it. ( The contents of the nightmare is not my primary intention of this blog... however, I explained it at the end of this blog for a better clarity on what I am talking.. )

I was astonished by recollecting it. Some of the words were well-known to me from our previous discussions. Especially, he asked me once: "Come on! your energy is limited, do not forget that. It is your choice whether you want spend it on what you love or what you hate. How do you proceed?". Some questions are formulated in such a way that they include obvious answers.

He: "Did you saw the people in your dream earlier?"
Me: "No, no one except the body of my friend, it just looks like me"
He: "Aha, interesting..."
Me: "What is the difference between our discussions and the dreams?"
He: "Well, the concept is similar, but I am a conscious illusion, but the characters in dream were unconscious hallucinations. You have control over me, but not on characters of a dream. We go through logical conclusions, but the dreams were dominated by power of imagination rather than logistics. However, dreams may share our thought-process and previous memories..."
Me: "You mean dreams exercise illogical power of imagination"
He: "exactly!!"
Me: "What is the advantage of it?"
He: "Logic is associated with reality. Imagination is associated with illusions. Human mind is a fair balance between both of them."
Me: "That is fine, what about dreams?"
He: "How do you optimize the mind, when you plan to design it? If you follow 'logic' only, you will be trapped in local minima. Sometimes, you have to search with power of imagination to find global minima. Dreams might be an unsupervised exercise to solve this optimization problem."
Me: "You mean dreams are helpful for optimization of thought process"
He: "Exactly! you got it!!"
Me: "Can I describe our discussions as a 'conscious dreaming'? "
He: "If you want, yes! but we agreed on a professional term. Don't you remember?"
Me: "Yes I do remember.. we call it as 'Interactive Mind Debugging'"
( 'Interactive Mind Debugging' is a serious concept that I have been developing and practicing. This is my dream 'unorthodox' pet project that has an ambitious objective. It will be explained in my future blogs thoroughly. For the moment, I want to let you hallucinate as per your wish... ;) )

Morning 5:40am...  my digital diary is scribbled with the following: 

"Dreams are excellent examples of a proper subconscious alignment between thought process, power of imagination, and memory patterns. I think the differences between thinking and dreaming are: (i) unconsciousness; (ii) simulated/hallucinated sensory input (i.e. audio, vision, touch, etc.); and (iii) illogical imagination. In other words, the dreams do not formulate concepts with logic but they go by illogical imagination to optimize concepts in an unsupervised way. When they converge to make a reason out of it, the process becomes a sensible dream. Dreams might be a peculiar algorithmic chain to optimize thought process. To conclude in simple terms as a AI researcher, the moment we (humans) design artificial thinking systems, perhaps, they start dreaming, or vice versa!!"

********** The dream that made me to think!! ***********

In the dream, I was holding a man's body on my shoulder... the body is completely wounded and covered up with blood. I was asking surrounded people to help me to save my friend who is struggling for life. But, no one was willing to help me. Someone told me "she could help you!" by showing an old lady who is sitting far away from the people... I started walking towards her.. she was looking at me.. she was also talking something but I could not hear those words from the long distance. After reaching close to her, I heard her words.. "An attempt to assassinate your character.. it is a character assassination.. an attempt to assassinate your character.. it is a character assassination.." the old woman was repeating the same words until I interrupted her.

Me: "Excuse me, can you please help my friend? He is struggling for life."

Old-Woman: "Difficult to save him now!! You were betrayed!" .... 
Me: "Hmm.. I was first betrayed by the faith what I had..."
Old-Woman: "Why don't you go back and fight with people who made your friend sick?"
Me: "Does't it bring my friend back?"
Old-Woman: "No, not at all!"
Me: "Look.. my energy is limited.. I want to spend it for the things what I love but not for the things what I hate.. Can you please let me know how to save him now?" 
Old-Woman: "It is very difficult, you have to reach that door!" showed a big door on top of a mountain that is really far from the place where we stand. "No one succeeded to reach there yet... but if you managed to reach there... you can find a super natural power that can save your friend.. In the journey, remember, you may loose not only your friend, but also yourself. Be careful!!"  
I smiled, "There is nothing to loose now and not interested to gain anything except my friend..", and started walking in the said direction.. I woke-up while I was going through dark and scary path..  

Theory of mind: Reality vs illusion

When I was introduced to this man, initially, I was discarding him. Once he came very close to me and started whispering in my ears but emphasized on few particular words, “If someone sits in front of you for a discussion, I think, it is always a good idea to respect his/her views and concerns: no matter whether you agree or disagree; no matter whether it gives you pleasure or pain; no matter whether it is within the reach of your expectations or not. A fair, balanced and open-minded discussion gives you nothing more than greater insights of the questions you are wondering for.”

After a few days of thinking, I changed my mind to open discussions with him in my free time. One of the greatest conclusions we ever came together out of our discussions is the following:
“(i) Uncertainty in understanding and (ii) fuzziness among different view points are the two biggest enemies of any decision maker. If you deceive them first, we can not lose the game. Sometimes, in real life situations, you just have to continue the game for the above two purposes, but not to win or lose. Perhaps, win and lose are vague terms until you define what is meant by a win or loose for you in that context irrespective of others.”

Having said our meet-up introduction, I recently begun an interesting discussion by asking a question: "Why I lost myself many times while talking to you?". He smiled and replied, "How can you think out of your design? of-course, you will certainly loose yourself if you are thinking out-of-the box. If you do so, it is very difficult to distinguish between reality and illusion". 

"What is real and what is an illusion? How can I disambiguate them?",  a follow-up question from me. 
He was amused but searching for better words -- "For a simple example, the existence of me is a reality; but the distinction between you and me is an illusion;".
I raised my eyebrows, "really!? it is not that simple to understand".
He then continued with his further description - "Reality and illusion both are part of mental perception. They are difficult to disambiguate at the stage of processing within mind. Many things in this world can not be perceived by normal sensory interfaces (i.e. ears, eyes, etc). For example, the intentions of others while they are talking to you. Thats where we start hallucinating the unknown things. Thats where we face challenges of uncertainty and fuzziness"

Me: "Then, is it impossible to overcome the obstacles?"
He: "Not certainly, there could be several solutions -- time, explicit dialogue and unconventional thinking/decision making are among them."
Me: "What is the last one, 'unconventional' thinking/decision making?"
He: "The decisions that are taken by crossing your boundaries..."
Me: "Hmm, I do not personally believe in crossing boundaries"
He: "So, you will not cross your boundaries at all?"
Me: "Well, I rather prefer to change my boundaries" replied by recollecting an interesting quote from a Hollywood movie... 'All boundaries are conventions that are waiting to be transcended'.
He: "You see a lot of Hollywood movies!", he could not stop laughing..

He was very fast in formulating a consequent question: "Tell me one example where you changed such boundaries?"
Me: After a few minutes of memory scan, "Until last year, I perhaps more biased towards philosophy of Ayn Rand's Objectivism (Atlas Shrugged), where the life is more self-centric. After recovering from a fall with the help of many good people, I later started believing in the concept of Wachowski’s Cloud Atlas (2012), where the life is somehow connected and bound to others. When our beliefs change, our thought process will change, and our understanding about the reality will change. This will certainly show an impact on the boundaries of ethics, principles, and morals etc."

He emphasized, "So, which concept you vote for: Objectivism or Universal connectivity?" 
Me: "Again, you are asking me a decision, especially, the things related to uncertainty and fuzziness. The both concepts are still valid from two different point of views. Any process starts from one own's mind as described in 'Atlas Shrugged' (i.e. Objectivism), but we are also bound to others in every part of life which holds 'Cloud Atlas'. The reality perhaps somewhere lies at the intersection".
He: "Ok, I understand! you could not conclude here, but eager to understand the phenomena. As I said before, take time, continue this dialogue, and elevate unconventional thought process... I guess you will find illusion-free reality one day..."

After that, there is a long silence between us. Taking that advantage, the tired mind slowly went into a sleep to maintain much more longer silence.

Influential Quotes: 

 "I started my life with a single absolute: that the world was mine to shape in the image of my highest values and never to be given up to a lesser standard, no matter how long or hard the struggle." — Ayn Rand

"Devotion to the truth is the hallmark of morality; there is no greater, nobler, more heroic form of devotion than the act of a man who assumes the responsibility of thinking." — Ayn Rand

Our lives are not our own.  We are bound to others past and present; -- Cloud Atlas

All boundaries are conventions. One can transcend a convention if only one can conceive of doing so. -- Cloud Atlas

The Independence

"Who led us to achieve the official Independence to our Nation? Gandhiji or Netaji (Bose)",  he asked me with rising intonation and he was curiously waiting for my answer. I understood that he opened a new discussion with me. I also knew that its not the first discussion with him and will certainly not be the last one. He is little kind towards me this time by giving two options for a question. But I somehow fed-up with his stupid questions. 

I told him, "Of-course Gandhi, because of his nonviolent campaigns and movements". But this guy is very sharp and came-up with follow-up question, "Did you mean Netaji failed to achieve the goal? if yes, why the nation still remember him though he failed to achieve?".

I could not resist my hesitation, "Stupid! Stupid questions!! Can you please leave me alone? Go away from me!". He took a little long breath and turned towards me and politely emphasized "My friend! you have to understand that I can only talk to you but not with others! I was there with you during good times to help you in setting up new goals; I was also there at difficult times to cheer you up with little courage; Don't you remember?". Although I really do not understand what he is talking, that reminds me a Vedic concept called ‘nondualism’. I may need to continue this journey further to understand him better. 

Anyway, I understood that this guy is not going to leave me unless his question is answered, “Ok, as far as I know, the whole nation believes that Gandhi is the one who led us to achieve the independence”. 

He is not convinced, “what is your opinion?”. 

Me: “I am not that stupid like you, I never thought about it earlier”, I insisted. 

He: “ok, think now, I need an answer now!”

Me: “Why now? Do you have any expectations on my opinion?”

He smiled, “There are no differences ever in our opinions, decisions and expectations among us, my friend”

Me: "If you put time-contraints, I can only decide based on my understanding till date about the reality"

He: "Okay, no problem, thats the nature! go ahead...". 

I just put some thought for a few minutes, and started articulating "I am not sure who really led us to brought the independence, but the only thing I can conclude is that the effort and the commitment to achieve the goal makes them most remembered for the whole nation. Though their paths are different, the goal is common; and the attitude and the stubbornness are the same to stick to the principles what they believed in. They are remarkable in keeping the same nature throughout their journey even though they found a lot of difficulties in their paths".  

He emphasized, "So, you only believe in efforts and principles. Don't you believe in Gandhi to get the official Independence?". I know he is trying to corner me. I replied - "I believe in roles rather than individuals. Many people fulfilled their roles to achieve remarkable changes to our nation. Gandhi is one among the few remarkable people who I have great respect towards."      

He seemed to be convinced with the argument as he turned to be more pleasant, and he became ready to disappear like Bethala in Vikram-Bethala stories. 

Finally, I couldn't resist my curiosity and asked him, "Why did you use 'official' word when you are talking about the Independence". He smiled again, "Did we got real Independence yet?" questioned, but disappeared without looking for an answer. I know this guy only insist me for an answer if he doesn't have one. 

Dedication (అంకితం)

ఐదు రోజులు అవుతున్నా ఇంకా కళ్ళ ముందు కదులుతూనే ఉంది.. ఆ ఫీల్ ఇంకా గుర్తువస్తూనే  ఉంది. ఎందుకంటే... It was a long-awaited DREAM!!! I had been really waiting for that moment of life...  ఒక రోజు కాదు.. రెండు రోజులు కాదు... కొన్ని సంవత్సరాలు... ! The chairman of the jury announced.. "we decided to award doctorate degree..." నాకు అంతవరకే అర్ధం అయ్యింది... ఆ క్షణం.. ఒకే ఒక్క క్షణం.. జీవితం రీల్ లాగా తిరిగింది... గుండె లోని కొండత బాధని, కష్టాన్ని .. దానికి వందరెట్ల  ఆనందం అధిగమిస్తే ఎలా వుంటుందో... అది first time ఫీల్ అయ్యాను. quite frankly... నేను కూడా ఏదో ఏదో మాట్లాడాను తర్వాత...  talk కి  వచ్చిన వాళ్ళని చిన్న party కి invite చెస్తూ ....  కాని everything unintentional.... a.r. rahman ఆస్కార్ గెలిచినప్పుడు మాట్లాడింది గుర్తుకు వచ్చింది "mere pass MAA hai.. which means... I have nothing.. but I have a mother"... brain లో తిరుగుతుంది నోరు మాట్లాటం లేదు.. నోరు మాట్లాడుతుంది brain కి తెలియటం లేదు... what a feeling!! అందరూ ఒక్కొక్కరుగా వచ్చి "కంగ్రాట్స్ డాక్టర్", "I truly enjoyed your talk.. very good.. congrats!! " అంటుంటే.. కొంచం గర్వంగా కూడా అనిపించింది. ఇంతలో chairman of the jury వచ్చి కంగ్రాట్స్ చెప్తూ..  "you got 'Magna cum laude' (i.e. very good) grade" అనే మాటలు నా చెవికి మ్యూజిక్ లాగా వినిపించింది... ప్రక్కనే ఉన్న bathroom లోకి వెళ్లి   పిడికిలి బిగించి "yes!!" అని అనాలని అనిపించింది.

ఎంతో మంది ఈ achievement కి హెల్ప్ చేసారు. అందరికి నా హృదయ పూర్వక కృతఙ్ఞతలు!! 

ఈ కష్టం నాది మాత్రమే అనుకొంటే స్వార్ధం అవుతుందేమో? ఎందుకంటే నేను golden spoon తో పుట్టలేదు. నాకు ఊహ తెలుస్తున్నప్పుడు మేము ఒక చిన్న గుడిసె లో ఉండేవాళ్ళం. వర్షం వస్తే  .. ఇల్లు కురుస్తుంటే... కురిసేచోట గిన్నెలు, బకెట్లు  పెట్టుకొని ఒక మూలకి పడుకొన్న రోజులు కూడా ఉన్నాయి. అమ్మ అప్పుడు 10వ తరగతి పాస్ అయ్యింది కాబట్టి , తను చదువుకొని ఉద్యోగం చేస్తేనే మేము కూడా చదువుకొనే పరిస్తితులు.. నాన్నకు 400 rs నెలకు జీతం.. అదే ఇంటి ఖర్చులకి చెల్లి కి , నాకు, అమ్మకు books and fee. ఒక పూట అన్నం తింటే.. మరో పూట గంజి చేసి పెట్టిన రోజులు కూడా ఉన్నాయి.  

నా జీవితాన్ని మార్చిన చాలా సన్నివేశాలలో ఒక సన్నివేశాన్ని share చేస్తున్నాను. 7 వ తరగతి తర్వాత state level entrace exam లో టాప్ 50 లోపు రావటంతో నాగార్జున సాగర్ residential స్కూల్ లో admission వచ్చింది. ఎంతో సంతోషంగా వెళ్ళి join అయిన నా ఆనందం ఎన్నోరోజులు ఉండలేదు. అన్నంలో పురుగులు, మంచంలో నల్లులు, క్లాసులో బల్లులు, చుట్టూ  రౌడీల లాంటి పిల్లలు, మరోవైపు homesick. అప్పుడు ఫోన్లు లెవ్వు, ఉన్నా మాది ఆ రేంజ్ కాదు. ఒక post-card రాసాను "నేను ఉండలేను ఇక్కడ.. మీరు వస్తారా... పారిపోయి వచెయ్యమంటారా " అని. వారం తిరక్కుండా ఒక గ్రీటింగ్ కార్డు వచ్చింది అమ్మ దగ్గర నుంచి. అందులోని అక్షరాలు అప్పుడు నా చిన్ని బుర్రకి పూర్తిగా అర్ధం కాకపోయినా... అవి నా జీవితాన్ని ఇంతలా శాసిస్తాయని అప్పుడు అనుకోలేదు... ఆ అక్షరాలు ఇంకా నా హృదయంలో అలాగే నిలిచిపోయి ఉన్నాయి..  

ఆ గ్రీటింగ్ కార్డు  చూడటానికి దాదాపుగా (కానీ exact గా ఇది కాదు) ఇలా వుంది.. చుట్టూ సముద్రం .. మద్యలో ఒక నావ.. ఆ నావని నడుపుతూ ఒక నావికుడు... అతనికి కనుచూపు మేరలో తీరం కనిపించటం లేదు... అతని మనసులో భయం, ఆందోళనని ప్రతిబింబిస్తూ  సూర్యుడు అస్తమిస్తున్నాడు, కారు మబ్బులు కమ్ముకొంటున్నాయి...

ఒక తెల్లకాగితంలో రాసిన అక్షరాలు:

"అంతులేని ఆ సాగర తీరాన్ని చేరాలంటే..
  చింత మాని సాగాలి సాహసంతో..
  చేరలేనేమో చేయలేనేమో అనే భావాలు..
  వెనకకే లాగుతాయి ఎప్పుడైనా ఏమైనా...
  దృడసంకల్పంతో.. కృతనిశ్చయంతో ముందుకు సాగిన నాడు..
  తీరమే ఎదురు వచ్చి ఆహ్వానించదా...
  నీ బంగారు భవిష్యతుకు పూలబాట వేయదా...

చూడు నాన్నా, జీవితం ఎప్పుడూ నీకు కావాల్సిన విధంగా ఉండదు, కొన్ని కావాలి అంటే కొన్ని వదులు కోవాలి.. ఏది కావాలో ఏది వదులు కోవాలో నిర్ణయం నీదే.. జీవితంలో కష్టాలు ఎప్పుడూ ఏదో ఒక రూపంలో వస్తూనే ఉంటాయి.. వాటిని చిరునవ్వుతో ఎదురించే మానసిక ధైర్యం కావాలి.. కాని వాటినుంచి పారిపోవాలి అనుకోవటం మంచిది కాదు. నీవు మంచి భవిష్యతు కోసం చదువు కోవటానికి వెళ్ళినప్పుడు.. మిగిలిన చిన్న చిన్న కష్టాలు తట్టుకోవాలి.. నీ మీద నీవు జాలి పడటం మంచి లక్షణం కాదు. నీ గమ్యం నీవు చేరినప్పుడు ఇవన్నీ చాలా చిన్నవిగా కనిపిస్తాయి.

కారు మబ్బులో మెరుపు తీగలా మెరవాలని..
చిమ్మ చీకటిన వెలుగు జ్యోతివై  వెలగాలని..
ఆశిస్తూ , మీ అమ్మ " 

ఈ లెటర్ ని మొదటిసారి చదివినప్పుడు.. నాకు అర్ధం అయ్యింది ఒక్కటే.. అమ్మకి ఇంటికి తీసుకు వెళ్ళటం ఇష్టం లేదని... "రాక్షసి!" అని తిట్టుకొన్నాను. నేను మాత్రమే కాదు.. తనని completega అర్ధం చేసుకోని చాలా మంది అలాగే అనుకొంటారు. కాని ఆ చాలా మందికి తెలియని విషయం ఏమిటంటే.. తనని పూర్తిగా అర్ధం చేసుకొన్నవాళ్ళు తనని ఎప్పటికి వదిలి పెట్టలేరని..  ఏదిఏమైనా, ఈ అక్షరాలు నేను పెరిగే కొద్దీ నా మీద impact చూపించటం మొదలు పెట్టాయి. అమ్మకూడా రోజుకి 3 గంటలు మాత్రమే పడుకొని చదువుకొనేది.. tutions చెప్పేది.. మిషన్ కుట్టేది.. చివరకి, నేను 9th క్లాసు లో ఉన్నప్పుడు తనకి govt టీచర్ గా ఉద్యోగం వచ్చింది. తద్వారా మా చదువుల మీద ఖర్చు పెట్టగలిగే అవకాశం వచ్చింది. నేను M.Tech IIIT లో చదివినంత వరకు నా చదువు చాలా expensive. వాళ్ళ comfort ని నా చదువుకి trade-off చేసేవారు.


ఈ achievement ని ఎవరికి dedicate చెయ్యాలి? చాలా simplega ఆలోచించాను.. ఎవరు లేకపోతే ఈ achievement సాధ్యం కాదు? జవాబు దొరకటం పెద్ద  కష్టమేమీ కాలేదు. నా లైఫ్ ని ఇంతలా impact చూపించిన తనకి ఇంతకంటే పెద్ద  GIFT లైఫ్ లో ఇవ్వలేనేమో అనిపించింది...  అందుకే నా dissertation లో ఒక పేజి తనకోసం ఇలా రాయబడింది...

నోట్: ఇది అందరికి ఒక పెద్ద  achievement కాకపోవచ్చు, నేను exaggerate చేస్తున్నట్లు అనుకోవచ్చు. కానీ, నా lifelo మాత్రం  ఇది చాలా పెద్దది. ఎందుకంటే ఆ కష్టం నాకు మాత్రమే తెలుసు. పైన చెప్పిన సంఘటనలు ఏవి కూడా ఈరోజు నేను చెప్పుకోవటానికి జరగలేదు. These are just real incidents explained with my feelings...

"స్పందిచే హృదయం ఎంత ముఖ్యమో, కష్టించే తత్త్వం మరియు సాధించే మొండితనం కూడా అంతే ముఖ్యం"  -  అమ్మ